Friend codes are a pain in the ass.

Okay, I fucked up. Must've been smoking crack when I posted my code last time `cause it was way off. 0604-2510-4363-9243 is the actual code. Leave me a comment with your code once you've registered me, then go out and buy mario cart and/or smash bros.

βeta, out.

Have a nice day.

That's all. I just wanted to let everyone know they should have a nice day.

βeta, out.

Wheeeee!

Wait, no. It's Wii. I was gonna do a whole we, oui, wee-wee thing here, but I'm far too tired and full of caffeine to pull it off. Besides, as messed up as I am right now, I'd probably end up posting a picture of my dick to go along with it. While many of you would enjoy that(trust me, you would), it would likely get my blogger account suspended. And we can't have that, what would you do without my words of wisdom/insanity?

So, instead, I shall bypass the penis and get straight to the point(there may be a pun in there, but I'm not sure). Or, as straight to the point as someone with enough caffeine in their system to kill an elephant can get.

Now, where was I? Just kidding. This being the gift giving season, it is my sincere hope that many of you will be aquiring your very own, phallicly named Nintendo Entertainment System. I have had one since shortly after their release. That makes them sound like some sort of criminals. They probably should be, if only for the ammount of penis puns they've unleashed on an unwitting society.

Unfortunately, no one else I know has one. This is changing though(Santa let me know who's getting one)and now I feel I must pimp out my friend code, and ask everyone to get a copy of mario-cart. So, that I might kick their butts in online play.

6042-5104-3639 Add me, now. Please, I'm so lonely:(

βeta, out.

Sell your Soul.

Sorry for the extended absence, I've been busy. Busy trapping souls. (Insert evil laughter) No, seriously, I've been trapping souls, or trying to. I hadn't had any success until just tonight, but I've finally got it worked out.

(Big things come in small packages)

Yes, there is one entire soul trapped in that tiny glass vial. They're really quite compressible, the big problem was finding a medium that would hold the little buggers. Sure, a contract signed in blood works. But, where's the art in that? Not to mention that they tend to degrade a bit over time on paper.

(Image taken in the volatile moment right before the soul had fully settled in)

Acquiring the souls was actually the easiest part of this whole ordeal; people are just giving them away. Now, finding a good way to keep hold of them, that was tough. Eventually, I had to ask for help from a certain individual who wishes to remain unnamed. Unfortunately, contract obligations prevent me from sharing the exact procedures I used. This is likely a good thing, as some of the steps involved can be quite dangerous.

For those brave souls(pun intended)who still wish to learn how it's done; I may be willing to work out a trade. (Insert more evil laughter)

βeta, out.

Mangoes Rock.

(Forget God, Jesus, & the Holy Ghost. Here we got Mango, Mango, & Mango. The real Holy Triune.)

(Just look at that. Man, makes me want to take a bite out of the screen.)

It's midnight, do you know where your mangoes are? βeta, out.

Asthma Sucks! Cars suck worse. Stupid bureaucrats suck worst of all.

I'll get to why in a minute.

I wasn't at work today because I didn't want to deal with my boss. So, I decided to enjoy my day off, slept in until Dad woke me up by stealing my dirt. I'm very attuned to my dirt and can sense when anyone else is messing with it. That and he shouted out "I'm stealing your dirt."

I didn't mind too much, it was about 11 am by then, and he gave me the dirt in the first place. He's repairing a fence and had to remove a bunch that had piled up at it's base. He was just going to throw it away until I told him I'd take it. I want to build some raised beds to start a garden in the spring. This is good soil too, maybe a bit sandy, but that's the norm for around here.

(Damned, dirty, dirt thieves. Though it kinda reminds me of Mount St. Helens now)

I'm starting a compost pile to help amend the soil too; I've been taking home all the shredded paper from the office. We're cleaning out the files (When I say we, I mean Tammy) and I've gotten two large trash bags full and there's still 2/3rds of the files left to go through. (Poor Tammy) I should have started on that today. But, by the time I had showered, eaten, and dressed myself, it was already one o'clock. I'm very slow in the mornings, especially when that morning runs into the afternoon.

I decided to go for a bike ride today, I've been riding a lot at work but, those are mainly short hops. I do a pretty decent ride on Mondays though, where I go down every street on the property and all around the outside. It's only about three miles, but the whole place is on a slant with a couple hundred feet of grade over just a quarter mile. I love nothing more than to tear up those inclines and fly back down. Even so, this only takes me about half an hour, and that's with stopping to check out the empty homes.

I've done two hour rides on my stationary with no problem, but since I started riding at work I've been neglecting it. Lack of stamina wasn't my problem today though. My problem was all the fucking cars spewing toxic gas straight into my lungs. I haven't had an asthma attack in years, but all it took to set one off today was five miles in light traffic.

(Why do you neglect me so?)

There should be a law banning any vehicle made more than ten years ago from the road. I kept getting stuck behind these behemoths from the sixties, but the worst offender was this big white truck that could not have been street legal. Damned smoke coming off that thing sent me into a coughing fit. I was about half way out at that point and tried to keep going, but only made it a couple blocks before turning for home. Thankfully I had decided to go uphill and was able to coast most of the way back.

(Is this how I have to dress just to go riding? Isn't the Helmet bad enough? I look like a freaking mushroom with glasses.)

I was dead when I got back, all my muscles were leaden. My chest took the better part of an hour to loosen up completely. You know what really sucks? This was what I would consider a mild attack. If you've never had asthma, you just cant know how bad it can be. I've heard it likened to trying to breathe through a straw, but it's always felt more like drowning in fresh air to me. No matter how hard or fast you try to breathe, it doesn't work; that oxygen just will not get into your blood stream.

Now imagine being a little kid and trying to deal with that. Children like that, they don't need to be taught about death. Death is in the very air around them. Death is that band that tightens around their chest until they want to scream, but don't have the air to do so. There's help though, a little inhaler filled with albuterol.

Those inhalers are the difference between life and death for millions of children. But, they also contain a small amount of CFC propellant, and as we all know CFC's damage the ozone layer. So, some well intentioned idiot, who's clearly never had trouble breathing, decided to ban all CFC based inhalers. Never mind the fact that there is no other product on the market that's even half as effective.

The next best one has actually proven to be deadly to people with certain allergies. A slight problem, since asthma and allergies often come in a package deal.

So, imagine again that you're a kid with asthma, but you've got your trust inhaler, you never leave home without it. Now imagine that it just stops working, that it actually makes your asthma attacks worse. What do you do? You try to tell your parents, but don't have enough breath. They try to help by giving you your inhaler, it's always worked before. Why won't it work now?

They rush you to the hospital, but it's too late. You've slipped into a coma because there wasn't enough oxygen getting to your brain. Your last words “Mommy, Mommy, help me, do something, I'm dying.”

Please sign the petition to save CFC asthma inhalers. βeta, out.

Boss Lady Responds.

You remember how I got into a shouting match with bitch lady last week? Well, she finally responded.

Here's the letter she sent.

" Written Disciplinary Action

I am drafting this letter in an attempt to memorialize the altercation which transpired yesterday. First and foremost, your behavior was insubordinate, abusive and completely unprofessional. You left me no way to have any kind of rational discussion or conversation with you. This is not the first time that you have been insubordinate, unprofessional and disrespectful to me. Residents, fellow employees and even previous supervisors have found your behavior difficult to deal with in the past. This does not create an amenable or successful business relationship

I have always treated you with respect, professionalism and courtesy. I have always been amenable to any reasonable requests you have had when it comes to your duties, equipment purchases or anything else you deemed a necessity of your position including, but not limited to; an ergonomic keyboard and mouse.

I have asked you and all employees of ************************ on more that one occasion not to perform work outside of your job description, make any changes, alterations without my prior authorization. Yet, you have done so on more than one occasion. This is why I felt it necessary to discuss the matter of you moving your office from the maintenance office to the conference room without authorization. If you had given me the opportunity to speak, you may have found out that I may have been willing to make the allowance for you temporarily even though you did not have authorization to do so. I have made many allowances for you in the past with regard to company policies, behavior issues, etc. Your attitude and demeanor leads one to believe that you are only willing to do what you want to and feel that you alone have the right to decide what you are willing to do and how you are willing to do it in the workplace.

Your behavior yesterday could be interpreted as though you do not wish to continue your employment with *********************. I do believe that you may need some time to reflect on your actions. If you wish to discuss returning to work, you will need to set up an appointment to discuss the matter with me rationally, courteously and professionally.

You may feel free to contact me at any time.

Sincerely, **** ****** "

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I like how talks about me returning to work when she never actually dismissed me. She told me to take one day off, which I did. I'm at work right now, I spent the morning drafting my reply. And, Since I love all of you so very much, I will share it here.
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" Response to Written Disciplinary Action

You have no right to speak to me in the tone of voice you used in the office Tuesday. You most especially, have no right to chew me out for finding a workaround to a problem caused by your own inaction. I see you made no mention of that in your letter. You find fault with me for not treating you like a boss when, you don't act like one. You brought human poison into this office, and did nothing about it despite numerous complaints. Do not call me unprofessional when you have done nothing but ignore the serious personnel issues in this office.

You claim that people find me difficult to deal with. If that is so, then why did you name me employee of the month not to long ago? And tell me that everyone thought I was "perfect; just great to work with". You placed me in an untenable situation and provided no alternative, even after I, and my co-workers, expressed our concerns to you. And, now you're upset that I found my own way out of it? You have not shown any of us respect, professionalism, or even common courtesy in this matter. I told you that the stress of working with him was killing me, I was not exaggerating. The situation was so bad that I became physically ill on more than one occasion. I was not the first, nor even the second person to be threatened or harassed by **** *****. Did you do anything about the matter? Did you censor him in anyway? How exactly have you acted professionally in this matter?

You hired me to do this job my way, because you couldn't find anyone else that could. Not surprising, when you consider that this job is tantamount to herding cats. A job made all the more difficult by the fact that I have little support and no actual authority.

Speaking of authority; you say I've been insubordinate, but how can I be insubordinate to someone who has provided me with no leadership? You are my employer, not my commander and chief. You pay me a pittance of a wage in return for my services. Yet, have never once explicitly defined what those services are. You give conflicting and, oft times, illegal orders, then complain when I don’t follow them to the letter.

You said that I've been disrespectful in the past, and yes, I'll admit that I did once before raise my voice to you. Do you happen to recall what that conversation was about? Do you remember that you were trying to bully me into signing away my constitutionally granted right to privacy? How were you offering me any respect in that matter?

You say that you've done many things for me in the past couple of years that I've been working for you, but you can only cite one thing. Buying me a keyboard and mouse weeks after I told you that my wrists hurt. That’s all I can think of that you’ve ever done for me, too.

I can think of several situations where you could have, should have, intervened in my favor.
Did you give me time off after I nearly shattered my knee cap in your poorly lit workshop? An injury which still pains me to this day. No, you chewed me out for not serving enough notices. Was that professional or respectful of you?

What about when Mr. ****** libeled, and tried to blackmail me, in clear violation of Rule #20 of ***************'s Rules & Regulations? The paragraph regarding interfering with or hindering Management. The paragraph which ends "any violation of this paragraph shall be considered a material and irredeemable breach of the lease agreement." Did you give me any courtesy in that matter? No, you fobbed it off on an ineffectual attorney who takes six months to do what a paralegal could do in a day, when he does anything at all. Did you seek a second opinion when he refused to do anything? Or did you act completely unprofessionally by ignoring the threat against your employee, hoping it would go away?

Speaking of threats; do you remember the time a security guard in your employ threatened to kill me? But, I wasn't supposed to worry about that, was I? Because, I'm bigger than him, and could take him in a fight. Those were your words. Why should I worry that he carried a loaded revolver on his hip? I'm bigger than him. I will give you credit though, you actually told him to stay off the property. He didn't though, and you didn't actually do anything to enforce your edict. And, if you recall, that company eventually dropped us as a client, saying something about a hostile work environment. I never knew my desire not to be murdered was so hostile. Perhaps, I should have been more professional, and just let him kill me?

Oh, and since I touched on the matter, I'm getting very tired of your digs about my weight. If you look back to last Tuesday, you'll notice I didn't actually start shouting until after you stated your incredulity about my being able to walk 2 miles in less than five hours. You can not expect me to remain calm while being insulted by my boss. Do the math; the lots in here aren't that large, and walking all the way around 45 of them does not take an entire day. So, I'll thank you kindly to act the professional you claim to be, and never mention my weight or level of physical fitness, ever again.

While we're on the subject of harassment; I'd like to let you know that, just because I am male does not mean that you can distract me with your cleavage. We’ve all noticed how you lean forward whenever speaking to a man. That is sexual harassment, and beyond unprofessional on your part.

If you have any other matters you would like to discuss; I would be happy to hear them.

Sincerely, Pentathalos "

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So, what do you think?
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βeta, out.