Friday, August 15, 2008

I have an arch-enemy

Its name? Gravity.

This bastard child of Sir Isaac Newton has put a hit out on me. I just survived it second major attack on me in as many months. It doesn't work alone though. It's hirelings? Stairs.

(This is what I see every time I go out my door)

Yes, Stairs. Those seemingly innocent implements of ascension. Hah. They'd love you to think of them like that. Did you know that in Britain alone, over one thousand people die every year from falling down stairs? That's just one small island with 60,000,000 people. If you multiply that statistic against the nearly 7 billion people on earth(each and everyone suffering under the tyranny of gravity)you end up with over 115,000 deaths caused by stairs alone. Every Year.

As someone litteraly surrounded by stairs, I see what they want. I climb hundreds, even thousands of steps each week, and I've learned their secret desire. Not to be climbed, as they've led us to believe, but to climb. All over our piled corpses.

But they don't work alone do they? Not really alone, they're working for that bastard, Gravity. He's got them as much in his grip, as he does us. Can you imagine a use for stairs if there were no gravity? They'd look pretty damned silly, wouldn't they?

Wait...

What if Gravity isn't the antagonist is this drama? What if I am? I'm a big guy, but I walk miles a day, climb the aforementioned thousands of steps. I bounce around like someone half my size. Hell, I'm probably in better shape than half the people half my size. What if I've somehow slipped loose the bonds gravity has placed on me? Gravity can't let this go. What if everyone followed my example? There'd be nothing but magnetism to hold things together. Everything and everybody would just go floating off. What would the stairs do?

Damn, I've got to go think about this.

No, I did not hit my head when I tripped. ╬▓eta, out.

1 comment:

mom of 2 wonderful brats said...

let me guess, you climbed a lot od stairs today?